Why Do People Fall in Love

A question many of us find us asking ourselves in today’s society. Many of us have been hurt by love and therefore have refused to neither use nor believe that there is such a word or feeling that exists in the universe. People fall in love for many reasons; some don’t even know why they end up in love. I believe people fall in love for three life-based reasons, to expand the self and to increase our abilities and our effectiveness in other words self-expansion, lack of self-dependency, Last but certainly not least they have something good to offer and they want something good in return.I myself have been thru all these stages of â€Å"Love† as we all call it and have come to a conclusion thru my own two eyes and hands on or should I say feelings on experience. The first reason people fall in love is to expand themselves thru other people also known as self-expansion. In his book â€Å"Self-expansion: a NEW! Integrated paradigm for psychology† author Miklo s Fodor describes very clearly how people expand themselves with one another. He created a model called Fodormiks Integrated Paradigm for Psychology (FIPP).The model describes many forms of human behavior from sex, religion, problem solving and even intimate relations. Upon reading the first couple of pages of the book I learned that the amount of money where you live and yourself can all affect who you fall in love with. If you’re wealthy you are a target of love to someone who wants to expand their business or find funding for something which the person couldn’t afford on their own. An example of self-expansion is in family’s that are wealthy and both husband and wife own businesses or assets that are in good use with each other.The husbands company makes the leather for her fancy purses. Many people believe that this kind of love is wrong but it’s a form of love in which both parties are happy and successful. Another example of self-expansion is someon e who feels they can accomplish more and succeed in life with some besides them. The feeling of being complete motivates the person to pursue a life of fulfillment. Take for instance Romeo and Juliet two lovers who fate was decided by the feelings expressed to each other in self-expansion. The second problem causing reason people fall in love is lack of self-dependency.Many of us witness an individual in a relationship where they are not happy everyone advises them to leave and for some odd reason they claim they are in love. This type of love is brought on by growing up in a harsh unloving family, and they are glued to this person because when they were in distress that person put them at ease to the individual losing someone like that is something they just won’t do. Another reason this love is bought is the person is he/she gets whatever they want while they are with this person for some it could be a meal and the bills paid to others it could be a lavish life-style.A grea t quote that illustrates well what this person might be feeling is â€Å"I know well what I am fleeing from but not what I am in search of† written by Michel De Montaigne. The person knows the love is wrong but refuses to leave because simply they are afraid of not finding a better love. This quote also points out that the person is lost inside they don’t know what exactly they are here for in life or what exactly it is they are searching for in a relationship.Lack of self-dependency to my opinion is a horrible reason to be in love but many people in the world depend on this love to get them thru, sad to say this is the type of world we live in. The final reason I believe people fall in love is because they have something good to offer and they want something back in return. Now I believe in this love 100% but some say it’s wrong. In today’s society the relationships that work out are relationships in which both parties are offering something to each othe r.An example of this type of love maybe the wife is a great cook and the husband loves to eat, while in return the husband works on the car clean or does anything to which he believes he can pay the wife for here great cooking. Another way this type of love is manifested in the form of making the significant other feels special. In this type of relationship the trade-offs could range from a number of things, happiness for wealth or wealth for happiness, it could also be a sexual trade off. No matter what in this type of relationship if the person isn’t receiving something in return there is no possible way the relationship is going to work.Some people feel if they love someone more than they love themselves that person to is going to do the same for them, but as we all can see it doesn’t always turn out that way. Some people offer there time, money and efforts to attain the feeling of being loved and end up hurt in the end. I believe all love is false but is used as a way to cope with living with some of life’s hardest decision and it’s always good to have someone by your side thru these times but understanding love can help you attain and reach that level of love and happiness in life.In closing words to the feelings we find ourselves calling love, people fall in love for three life-based purposes to expand the self and to increase our abilities and our effectiveness in other words self-expansion, lack of self-dependency, Last but certainly not least they have something good to offer and they want something good in return. People expand themselves every day in every relationship decision we make or think of making weather done conscious or unconscious the mind has a life of its own and who you fall in love with is determined by many objects and situations surrounding you.Also people fall in love due to what I call lack of self-dependency. It’s a good thing to be in love but make sure it’s a love where both people are benefitting and are happy. Don’t let life’s bad mishaps determine who you fall in love with and the reasons you fall in love. And finally the ultimate reason to fall in love is having something good and offering it to some in returns for a better or equal something. In this love the amount of love you choose to give is the amount of love you get back, you don’t have to ever worry about this love when you encounter it, just embrace close your eyes and never let go.This is the love of feeling of matter of each other’s happiness this is the love I believe that we all should share with each other it would just make things better in the world that we live in.SOURCES http://www. quotegarden. com/self-discovery. html http://www. yoshke. com/2010/02/top-10-reasons-to-fall-in-love/ â€Å"Self-expansion: a NEW! Integrated paradigm for psychology† By Milkos Fodor http://www. 2knowmyself. com/relationship_breakups/why_do_we_fall_in_love Why Do People Fall in Love Why Do People Fall In Love Many researchers actually consider falling in love to be a biologic event. And there are some researchers that can show brain changes using MRI tests to show that there are actual changes in our brain that we think of psychologically but biologically it really is a physiologic change. But when we want to understand what falling in love is — the best concept to understand is the concept called limerance. Limerance is that period in a relationship of great passion, when we're almost obsessed with our partner, when we can think of nothing else, when we put our lives on hold to spend time, to pull all-nighters.We daydream about them and when we put our partner on a pedestal. When, everything they say is smart, when we wonder why everybody in the world isn't in love with our partner. That's limerance. At a certain point in a relationship, limerance fades. It can only last about 2-3 years. At that point many would misperceive that as falling out of love, b ut in fact, it's really a change in the relationship. When the partnership changes from that passionate, exciting, romance, mystery, dangerous period, to one of a stable committed partnership, and by definition, you can't live up to that level of excitement.And at that point you start to see partner's flaws, and not everything they say is wonderful and they have some bad habits, and that requires the concept of recognizing that limerance fades, but being in love, and loving somebody does not. So, in order to really establish a good long-term relationship, we understand that falling out of love means just not putting our limits on wanting that passion all the time. is love natural in humans or are we thought to love by experience ? Non scientifically I think you love because you gave yourself to that person.You opened up about everything to them. You trust them, you get along with them, you can’t imagine not living without them there by you. You love because of the bond you cr eated with this person. We've all experienced love. We've loved (and been loved by) parents, brothers, sisters, friends, even pets. But romantic love is different. It's an intense, new feeling unlike any of these other ways of loving. Loving and being loved adds richness to our lives. When people feel close to others they are happier and even healthier. Love helps us feel important, understood, and secure.But each kind of love has its own distinctive feel. The kind of love we feel for a parent is different from our love for a baby brother or best friend. And the kind of love we feel in romantic relationships is its own unique type of love. Our ability to feel romantic love develops during adolescence. Teens all over the world notice passionate feelings of attraction. Even in cultures where people are not allowed to act on or express these feelings, they're still there. It's a natural part of growing up to develop romantic feelings and sexual attractions to others.These new feelings can be exciting — or even confusing at first. The Magical Ingredients of Love Relationships Love is such a powerful human emotion that experts are constantly studying it. They've discovered that love has three main qualities: 1. Attraction is the â€Å"chemistry† part of love. It's all about the physical — even sexual — interest that two people have in each other. Attraction is responsible for the desire we feel to kiss and hold the object of our affection. Attraction is also what's behind the flushed, nervous-but-excited way we feel when that person is near. 2.Closeness is the bond that develops when we share thoughts and feelings that we don't share with anyone else. When you have this feeling of closeness with your boyfriend or girlfriend, you feel supported, cared for, understood, and accepted for who you are. Trust is a big part of this. 3. Commitment is the promise or decision to stick by the other person through the ups and downs of the relationshi p. These three qualities of love can be combined in different ways to make different kinds of relationships. For example, closeness without attraction is the kind of love we feel for best friends.We share secrets and personal stuff with them, we support them, and they stand by us. But we are not romantically interested in them. Attraction without closeness is more like a crush or infatuation. You're attracted to someone physically but don't know the person well enough yet to feel the closeness that comes from sharing personal experiences and feelings. Romantic love is when attraction and closeness are combined. Lots of relationships grow out of an initial attraction (a crush or â€Å"love at first sight†) and develop into closeness.It's also possible for a friendship to move from closeness into attraction as two people realize their relationship is more than â€Å"just like† and they have become interested in one another in a romantic way. For people falling in love fo r the first time, it can be hard to tell the difference between the intense, new feelings of physical attraction and the deeper closeness that goes with being in love. Lasting Love or Fun Fling? The third ingredient in a love relationship, commitment, is about wanting and deciding to stay together as a couple in the future — despite any changes and challenges that life brings.Sometimes couples who fall in love in high school develop committed relationships that last. Many relationships don't last, though. But it's not because teens aren't capable of deep loving. We typically have shorter relationships as teens because adolescence is a time when we instinctively seek lots of different experiences and try out different things. It's all part of discovering who we are, what we value, and what we want out of life. Another reason we tend to have shorter relationships in our teens is because the things we want to get out of a romantic relationship change as we get a little older.In our teens — especially for guys — relationships are mainly about physical attraction. But by the time guys reach 20 or so, they rate a person's inner qualities as most important. Teen girls emphasize closeness as most important — although they don't mind if a potential love interest is cute too! In our teens, relationships are mostly about having fun. Dating can seem like a great way to have someone to go places with and do things with. Dating can also be a way to fit in. If our friends are all dating someone, we might put pressure on ourselves to find a boyfriend or girlfriend too.For some people dating is even a status thing. It can almost seem like another version of cliques: The pressure to go out with the â€Å"right† person in the â€Å"right† group can make dating a lot less fun than it should be — and not so much about love! In our late teens, though, relationships are less about going out to have fun and fitting in. Closeness, shari ng, and confiding become more important to both guys and girls. By the time they reach their twenties, most girls and guys value support, closeness, and communication, as well as passion.This is the time when people start thinking about finding someone they can commit to in the long run — a love that will last. What Makes a Good Relationship? When people first experience falling in love, it often starts as attraction. Sexual feelings can also be a part of this attraction. People at this stage might daydream about a crush or a new BF or GF. They may doodle the person's name or think of their special someone while a particular song is playing. It sure feels like love. But it's not love yet. It hasn't had time to grow into emotional closeness that's needed for love.Because feelings of attraction and sexual interest are new, and they're directed at a person we want a relationship with, it's not surprising we confuse attraction with love. It's all so intense, exciting, and hard to sort out. The crazy intensity of the passion and attraction phase fades a bit after a while. Like putting all our energy into winning a race, this kind of passion is exhilarating but far too extreme to keep going forever. If a relationship is destined to last, this is where closeness enters the picture. The early passionate intensity may fade, but a deep affectionate attachment takes its place.Some of the ways people grow close are: * Learning to give and receive. A healthy relationship is about both people, not how much one person can get from (or give to) the other. * Revealing feelings. A supportive, caring relationship allows people to reveal detail about themselves — their likes and dislikes, dreams and worries, proud moments, disappointments, fears, and weaknesses. * Listening and supporting. When two people care, they offer support when the other person is feeling vulnerable or afraid. They don't put down or insult their partner, even when they disagree.Giving, receiv ing, revealing, and supporting is a back-and-forth process: One person shares a detail, then the other person shares something, then the first person feels safe enough to share a little more. In this way, the relationship gradually builds into a place of openness, trust, and support where each partner knows that the other will be there when times are tough. Both feel liked and accepted for who they are. The passion and attraction the couple felt early on in the relationship  isn't lost. It's just different. In healthy, long-term relationships, couples often find that intense passion comes and goes at different times.But the closeness is always there. Sometimes, though, a couple loses the closeness. For adults, relationships can sometimes turn into what experts call â€Å"empty love. † This means that the closeness and attraction they once felt is gone, and they stay together only out of commitment. This is not usually a problem for teens, but there are other reasons why rel ationships end Why Do Relationships End? Love is delicate. It needs to be cared for and nurtured if it is to last through time. Just like friendships, relationships can fail if they are not given enough time and attention.This is one reason why some couples might not last — perhaps someone is so busy with school, extracurricular, and work that he or she has less time for a relationship. Or maybe a relationship ends when people graduate and go to separate colleges or take different career paths. For some teens, a couple may grow apart because the things that are important to them change as they mature. Or maybe each person wants different things out of the relationship. Sometimes both people realize the relationship has reached its end; sometimes one person feels this way when the other does not.Moving On Losing love can be painful for anyone. But if it's your first real love and the relationship ends before you want it to, feelings of loss can seem overwhelming. Like the feel ings of passion early in the relationship, the newness and rawness of grief and loss can be intense — and devastating. There's a reason why they call it a broken heart. When a relationship ends, people really need support. Losing a first love isn't something we've been emotionally prepared to cope with. It can help to have close friends and family members to lean on.Unfortunately, lots of people — often adults — expect younger people to bounce back and â€Å"just get over it. † If your heart is broken, find someone you can talk to who really understands the pain you're going through. It seems hard to believe when you're brokenhearted that you can ever feel better. But gradually these feelings grow less intense. Eventually, people move on to other relationships and experiences. Relationships — whether they last 2 weeks, 2 months, 2 years, or a lifetime — are all opportunities to experience love on its many different levels. We learn both how to love and how to be loved in return.Romance provides us with a chance to discover our own selves as we share with someone new. We learn the things we love about ourselves, the things we'd like to change, and the qualities and values we look for in a partner. Loving relationships teach us self-respect as well as respect for others. Love is one of the most fulfilling things we can have in our lives. If romance hasn't found you yet, don't worry — there's plenty of time. And the right person is worth the wait This felling of love is a very â€Å"raw† effect of pheromones or sexual hormones that we pick up when around other people.Its root lies in the fact that Mother Nature wants us to procreate and suggests that when this â€Å"falling in love† sensation occurs then the individual these feelings are centered around would make a good partner to have offspring with in terms of a healthy offspring. It DOES NOT mean the same person will make a good life partner. Our society seems to place a great deal of significance on this sensation, and tend to co notate it with a mysterious and magical feeling that can only be the allusive concept of love.This is also why we live in a society with such a high divorce rate. Although it would be nice to think this magical and mysterious feeling extends for the rest of our lives and is an indicator that we found our soul mates – the reality is it is nothing more than chemical warfare with the biology of our bodies. What love it is, is a choice – plain and simple. Of course we hope that happy feelings and good times are a natural result of that choice, but this is not required for the choice of love to exist.People who define love based on how they feel are often times in for a bumpy ride with relationships, because when the body changes its biology, or someone else crosses their path with a new set of hormones/pheromones they react to they have the magical mysterious feeling all over again, but f or someone new. So my two cents would be to understand â€Å"falling in love† is a term that refers to a very raw biological process, one that is independent and should not affect our conscious decisions as to who is significant in